I feel like my life is finally starting…
I am 36 years old and i am about to start 2024 as a single woman and I love that feeling.
I remember being a very independent teenage girl when I saw my friends “dating” or being in a “relationship” while we were at school, I was thinking to myself: “What’s the point of holding each’s others hands and walk together to school? When we have so much more to discover about life”.
“It’s funny how weak & superficial I thought people were because they felt the need of becoming one couple instead of two people.”
I’m not here to judge people in relationships, just saying I wasn’t particularly excited about that idea. And clearly, I was a bit confused about it.
Of course growing up, we all watch these romantic comedies that tell you how you need a man in your life (or a woman) to feel complete and get married as a happy end.
I recently went to the cinema and saw a great movie Simple Comme Sylvain by Monia Chokri, it’s kind of a dramatic comedy about love. Spoiler alert the heroine ends up choosing herself instead of getting married with her lover.
To be honest, I was a bit confused and not happy about that ending because I thought the “final” message was quite pessimist. It basically says you can’t have an intellectual passion and a physical passion with the same person.
I was talking about this movie and realized, this actually was my life right now ! I lived passions, love at first sight, long term relationships and of course breakups to finally choose my own self & happiness. I thought I was being selfish and not being able to make compromises anymore but my psy asked:
“Is it being selfish to look for our happiness?
She made her point ! I started to explore my past to understand the reasons I was finding myself “trapped” in a relationship and felt the need to escape from it. I also have the tendancy to end one by starting a new one. I realized I was being in a giant relationship since forever… Well, again i’m not saying it’s a bad thing, I just think it’s so important to take some time for yourself.
To take care of me as Sophie Calle wrote: à mon rythme, prendre soin de moi.
I was having a conversation with my sister about the differences of living a single life and being in a relationship and she was basically saying there was nothing you could not do when being on your own ! The only thing was if you become sick, in case of an emergency, you could just die alone… BUT ASIDE FROM THAT, life could be the same in a sense where can go watch a movie, enjoy a diner at the restaurant, have sex with a good sex-toy (or a sex date) but in general, let just say you could live the same experiences about life without any annoyance.
I was quite intrigued by her strong point of vue. And MY conclusion to all of this is more nuanced.
It’s a nice idea to share true moments with someone that loves you and you love and build a life together but it needs to be secondary to your own priorities in life. The cherry on the cake like they say ! Think of your needs first. People tend to control over your feelings. It always starts little by little and one day you don’t recognize yourself.
“It’s crazy how much toxic relationships I can relate instead of sain ones. And it’s not being pessimist, it’s being an observer.”
It’s a hard feeling to distinguish the nuances of a situation of control from your partner and know when it's time to end something or stand for yourself. I see more unhappy couples than single people to be honest. It’s scary how people are afraid of being ALONE. Why not? We are gonna die alone anyway (lol).
More seriously, it's super enriching to really get to know yourself, travel alone, meet strangers, not plan anything. The only thing I know is that single life can be life changing like the Americans say. Being in a relationship doesn’t define yourself.
I decided I will no longer depend on the idea of meeting the “right” one. I want to experiment more about my own possibilities, philosophy and priorities, I want to love myself first and that’s enough for now.
Tender Kisses
XO
by Marine Neuilly
**More to read from us:
"A la recherche du temps retrouvé" In search of found time.
Saying yes to things that spark joy, like saying no. By Marine Neuilly.
Play Me: The Sound Of Autumn. Get in a sentimental mood for fall
Shopping Therapy: Buy Less, Choose Well. 5 good things to buy right now
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Hi @Marine,
Different generation, longer life experience: I would say Yes to all the activities you mention…except for Children
You can of course go for PMA but having and raising a child with somebody (or several with different people along the years) is truly different in depth from splitting each « rôle « between different people
That being IF you want to raise a child