Editor's letter: saying yes to things that spark joy, like saying no

Words by Marine Neuilly.

Feb 14, 2023

This is actually a sentence i stole from this amazing account on instagram “disappointing affirmations” run by Dave Tarnowski.

(It’s so pertinent, i like that he embraces his deep emotions.)

“For some reason, i feel like it’s rude to say no, and i’m afraid I’ll be judged. “

So, the other day i was having this conversation about the difficulty i usually have in saying NO in a “professional” situation, where i end up doing things i don’t want to do and then get very annoyed & anxious about it — which most times leads me to panic attacks.

I find it still very hard to be heard and understood as a woman working in the musical or fashion industry, being independent and freelance. Every new job is a gamble, you don’t know how difficult it might be!

“I realised most of the decisions i made were based on others’ feelings and not mine.”

For some reason, i feel like it’s rude to say no, and i’m afraid I’ll be judged. Because It’s happened to me, for example for a paid gig, to disagree, and be told that I’m just being annoying!

As a woman most people expect you to be nice all the time otherwise they will say you are a bitch or hard to work with. And the classic thing that happens a lot is when people — and by that i mean MEN use the work place as an excuse to flirt with you. Why do I have the feeling i still need to fight constantly for my voice to be heard?

2023 is already starting with a wave of new energies, Emrata is in her “Bitch Era” — which is THE absolute mood for this new year by the way. Well, I find myself in my “Fuck No era” after I realised most of the decisions i made were based on others’ feelings and not mine!

Why do I have the feeling i still need to fight constantly for my voice to be heard?

This friend I was talking to told me to check out this test and made me realised my saboteur is being people pleaser, among many others!

I really encourage you to try it out. It gives you the name of your top 3 self-saboteurs. Identifying them will help you to improve your wellbeing and get rid of unconscious toxic patterns.

START

Saboteurs are the voices in your head that generate negative emotions in the way you handle life’s everyday challenges. They represent automated patterns in your mind for how to think, feel, and respond. They cause all of your stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness, and unhappiness. They sabotage your performance, wellbeing, and relationships.

Based on Shirzad Chamine’s New York Times bestseller and Stanford lectures.

“Your mind is your best friend. But it can also be your worst enemy.”

Saboteurs start off as our guardians to help us survive the real and imagined threats to our physical and emotional survival as children. By the time we are adults, we no longer need them, but they have become invisible inhabitants of our mind.

Our Saboteurs’ patterns of thinking, feeling, and reacting become soft-coded in our brain through neural pathways. When these neural pathways are triggered, we are “hijacked” by our Saboteurs and instantly feel, think, and act using their patterns.

do the test